Growing Up

*Growing up is so hard yet we think its easy when were younger but the more we get older the more responsible we have to be. Growing up as a young child not knowing who my father was.. calling daddy someone who really wasnt, even though my mommy told me not.. i respected him as if he was my dad...Her having boyfriends really didnt seem to matter to me. I was still young and had alot going for me,and as time flew by i'd get to see my daddy free.. He was happy when i seen him again.. after months in jail you coulda sworn he was sad,but the tears of his daughters eyes brought the momments of true love into his heart and into his soul. I didnt want to leave my mom i loved her with all my heart but my dad told me to chose and so i was confused. I'd figure since he was out of jail mommy and daddy could be happy again.. I guess i was Wrong. Court papers were filled and im stuck in the middel of it. Not knowing what to do.. its hard when parents seperate.. I knew that they still loved me so to me i didnt care.. but i spent more time with mommy and seemed like daddy never cared..When i was around the age of 7 dad would come to visit said he could babysit while mom did her job.. Growing up with my step sisters and my brother wasnt the same.. i wasnt treated with respect i was always to blame.. they called me names and didnt accept me as there family but daddy always told me that i was his 1st angel.. i grew up older and we all got closer.. My dad got aressted once again he had sum drug problems that caused him to do things that wasnt right. Us kids kind of got the message.. and said we'd never do the things dad did that night... By the time he got out his wife was mad and dad took me to taco bell where we had our last meal together. I still didnt know who my daddy was although i seen his image from when i was younger.. i never remembered who he was. The End of that Night ended so fast daddy took me and mommy home and gave me a kiss goodnite.. he said he'd be ok and i was a lucky girl,but the last words i remember is take care baby i see u tommarow.. he came the next day but i was asleep i didnt seem to care so i feel back asleep.. a couple days later dad calls to say he feeling a little sick so mommy took him some pinnapples because they make him feel better. I didnt bother to go because i thought he be aight.A week later i get a call my dad is in the hospital.. im wondering why and filled with fright.. my heart was pounding more as i walked threw the open door and seen my daddy on a machine i couldnt think of nothing more...i was scared and began to quivver while the doctors left the room i went up to my dad asked him why he was feeling so sad.. i seen a tear roll down his cheek cuz he seen the hurt i was going threw but there was nothing i could do.. just see him hurt and pray he be ok.. by sisters and brothers came in while i said goodbye... i knew that nite sumthing would look me straight in the eye.. i walked down stairs and walked outside like if i seen sumthing in the sky.. i looked up and prayed and hoped he be ok.. i wanted to get to know him because i never got to when i was younger.. know whas my chance... i stayed up that nite in the room while they pulled the plug i cryed and sighed.. i didnt want my daddy to die.. we went to the funneral and things we hard.. especially for me seemed like i was the only one who cared.. that day was the worst day my life and now i live with gulit and pain hidden inside.. no one knows why i cry but sometimes for the heck of it and just the way i was grown up... -the end-