Mi Triste Vida

A lot of people know me as La Brown Eyes But my real name is Jessica Muro,and this is the story of my life so sit back and you might want to get some tissue cause I will make you cry.Why you my be thinking well I have lived a triste vida.When I was 4 years old I remember going to my dads parents in Jacinto city,thats in Houston if you didn’t know.Well one of them days that we went to visit something happened to me that changed my life.I was molested by one of my tios in the back of my grandparents house,he was 14 years old at the time. I remember him calling me so I went not knowing what his intisions were.As i walked in the room I saw one of my younger tios on the bed just chillin,he was 9 years old.My 14 year old tio gave me a hug and asked how i had been,I replied fine. Then he told me I had a really nice dress on, Isaid thanks.He picked me up and sat me in his lap he kepted on tellin me over and over how big I was gettin.Then he gave me a kiss on my lips and said he loved me.I knew that kissin on the lips was wrong but he was my tio and I knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.So I thought. We sat there on the bed with my 9 year old tio watching t.v.He layed me on the bed next to my younger tio,he begane to rub on my leg,and each time he did his hand got higher and higher.I looked up at him and asked tio what are you doing,and he just smiled at me.I sat up and told him I wanted to go with my mom and dad.He told me that they had tookin off with my grandparents to the store.I tied leavein the room put he told my 9 year old tio to lock the door.He grabed me and I started screamin he coverd my mouth and threw me on the bed and pulled off my panties as he stuck his finger inside me as he kissed me all over.It hurt so bad I started to cry,He told my 9 year old tio to touch me to,he said no and my 14 year old tio took his hand and forced him to touch me.I cied the hole time.I couldn’t beleave what was happening to me.He finally he et me out the room when he herd my parents truck pulling in.When I walked in my grandprents house I saw my perents talking to my abuelitos.My welo gave me a huge and my wela a kiss.I ran to my mom jumped in her arms and she asked what was wrong with me.I said to her my tio made me kaki.She just put me down and smiled and told me to go play outside. He continued to do things to me as I grew up.At the age of 8 my grandpa was in a car crash and was in a coma for some weeks when he opened his eyes was we were able to go into the room to see him I never got to he died that night .On the way up to mexico to lay him to rest i was rideing in the back of my dads truck in a camper with some other family members including my older sister.Every one was sleeping excepted for me and my tio the 9 year old I spoke about but he was no longer 9 he was now 13 at the time.As I layed there trying to go to sleep he started to touch my bottom I sat up and asked him why are you doing this to me you saw how much my other tio hurt me why would you do that he fuckin said I love you I couldn’t beleave it not again please no not again so he didn’t. For a while we stoped going to visit my grandma I think it was to much for my dad or something but I know by this time my grandma was already sick with cancer.5 years went by and my grandma was going in and out of the hospital by that time i was 13 my tio now 18.This bitch got me one day and said to me do what i say or i will really hurt you and your sisters so I did I didn’t want my sisters to go through the pain i was already going through.So i did enerything he said even when my grandma died he still got me.My grandma was a big part of me,and i miss her so much.The day she died my life fell more apart .Why would god take someone so special to me why.That day i tried to kill my self it didn’t work as you can see.My parents asked why I would want to do such things I told them my heart couldn’t deal with so much pain.I told then everything that had been happening to me but all they said was why are you lieing I just walked off I started doing drugs drinking haveing sex at a young age noone could stop me and they didnt . I was out everyday at the clubs I was only 14 getting in at 21 and up clubs.I was no hoe or any thing but i was doing shit to body I know I shoulnt of been doing. School was doing nothing for me but i did finish high school yay.Since I’ve been out of school Ive done some fuked up shit,Shit that im not proud of men have came into my life and just fucked me over cheatin on me beating on me one almost killed me .Every day since I was 4 i have cried my self to sleep And I ask God what was the purpose of me being here on this earth when all Ive been through is nothing put pain I’m falling apart inside and I’m crying for help I feel so alone even when im around people i can be around the people who say they love me but I know its not true they just use me to get the things they want I hate the way my life turned out and the way its even going now I but hey ill sick it out untill i find happiness i just dont know when that will be ,But untill then Im good thanks for your time and good bye.